Mind and Emotions by unknow

Author:unknow
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781608824748
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Understanding the Purpose of Negative Focus

As we’ve said, all behavior, even thought, has a function. Focusing on the negative usually has one of these four functions:

Discharging negative affect that has built up in painful situations

Reducing expectations and disappointments

Avoiding future negative experiences

Trying to perfect oneself or get rid of flaws through negative self-evaluation

Think about some of the negative thoughts you return to again and again. Which of the above four functions might apply? You may discover functions for these thoughts other than those we listed; that’s fine too.

Now, for the key question: Are these negative thoughts doing what they’re supposed to do? Are they discharging pain, reducing disappointment, helping you avoid future pain, or making you a better person? If so, fine. But if not, they aren’t working. The fact is, most people don’t derive much benefit from a negative focus. They feel more pain, not less, and more disappointment because they spend so much time remembering things that went wrong. Paradoxically, they don’t seem able to avoid painful events, but this is actually a function of their focus: negative events are all they pay attention to, so they tend to miss positive experiences. And self-critical thoughts usually have the effect of making people feel more flawed, not less.

So when you catch yourself in a negative focus, ask yourself, “Is this working? Does this help me in any way?” If the answer is no, acknowledge the thought and label it, saying something like “There’s one of my ‘life’s no good’ thoughts.” Then let it go. Of course, it will show up again, but just keep labeling these thoughts and letting them go. Eventually they’ll seem less important and less convincing.

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